Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
