I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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