i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
