there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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