No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
