I accidentally had phone sex last night
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
