i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
