ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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