He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
