My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize