Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
