just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Green mimosas i think yes
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
