i don't like sucking hair
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
