I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
