Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
