he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
