my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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