nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
