mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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