I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
