UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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