Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize