I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
