I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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