Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
