where am i from again
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
