i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Randomize
