Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
