Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize