I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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