I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
they need to just BURY HIM!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
