I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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