Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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