who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
