is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
