fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the day after is always just damage control
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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