Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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