you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
