Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
