not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize