Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you will always have a special place in my vag
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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