I will die if light touches me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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