Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize