Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
