last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
