so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize