ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
