Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
