I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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