So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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