I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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