Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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