..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
