I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
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