R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It's like God shit irony all over that family
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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