I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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