my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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