THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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