Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
