thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize