we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You left your phone here
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