somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
But theres a keg here and me gusta
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
