i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
