Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
COCAINE IS GR8
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize