You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
