if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
