something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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