They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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