Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
