Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
