we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize