Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize