got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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