Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
