In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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