if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
