I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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