I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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