Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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