he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
