So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
