she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
