all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize