I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
