Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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