Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
