walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
