my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
