Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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