that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize