I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
