Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
